My favourite season has finally arrived - autumn - and soon to follow will be winter. Many spend their days wishing winter away, praying for the rain to end, the fog to lift, the frost to stop biting and the sun to linger in the sky.
They focus on feelings of imprisonment created by the elements. The wetness and the cold of the world around them, the enveloping darkness of the shorter days. Not me.
I love the possibility that comes with winter. Of cozy nights by toasty fires. Of a mug of hot chocolate warm in your belly and your hands. Of snuggling under the covers with loved ones. Of hearty food with good company.
Sweet root vegetables from the garden.
Crunching across the frozen grass.
Mesmerising sunsets.
Kaleidoscopic treescapes.
Reading in a sunny spot.
Fuzzy socks.
Movie weekends.
Watching the rain.
Persimmons…
If you insist, you can stick to a decidedly pessimistic outlook guaranteed to serve up a heaping pile of winter blues. But there is another option.
If you have been following our writing, you may already be aware of the concept of the Circle of Control. The premise is that one can choose to focus on things within or outside of his/her control. Focusing on things that we cannot control is wasted energy which will result in a big fat self-fulfilling prophecy (I can’t control the rain! It rains all the time! Winter really does suck.) It also lends itself to confirmation bias, where we are lured to focus only on what we dislike, and disregard things that are contrary to our negative feelings about winter. Through this cognitive bias (or thinking error) we can easily confirm what we already believe to be true.
The truth is, it’s the easy way out. Not the actions of a resilience warrior.
Being resilient is NOT about being a Pollyanna, delusional, or in denial. All of those avoid the need for resilience. Being resilient is recognising all aspects of your reality, and applying intentional effort to engage in thought processes and behaviours that create and maintain wellbeing.
And who does not want to be a ‘well being’?
When we practice resilience things can still feel sucky. The voice in your head may still need self-coaching. Life can still seem hard. You may still want to say – “bugger this!”
If I was to become metaphorical about things, I’d compare summer to an exciting but tiring race. Winter is both an opportunity to restore from the summer behind you, and prepare for the summer ahead.
In the colder seasons we might take a leaf from nature’s book, and slow things right down. Like the hibernating bear, and the deciduous tree, patiently and quietly growing its reserves. And for their effort they are rewarded with strength come summer.
In this blog we are going to share a number of tips for you to try out this winter. While these tips are quite literally to help you experience a more pleasurable side of winter, all of these practices are transferable to all seasons of your life, all challenges life may offer. That is the great thing about resilience tools – they are infinitely versatile.
5 Ways to build your resilience over winter:
Focus on what feels good: The heating sensation from a hot bath; the texture of soup sliding down your throat; the sound of family chatter or rain against the roof; or the smell and taste of a sticky toffee pudding! Immerse yourself in these moments, savour the experience through all your senses. This will teach you to focus your mind with intention at any given time.
Focus on what is good: While life is full of suck, it doesn’t necessarily have to suck us in! Become aware of what types of things hold your attention and consider a mental shift toward what you have to be thankful for in your life. Yes, winter is wet and cold! And you probably have a house with heating and warm running water to keep you dry and warm.
Notice unhelpful patterns of thinking: Us humans are pretty good at taking shortcuts when it comes to thinking. Without conscious awareness we jump to conclusions, make assumptions and flash judgements. These are time saving human tricks. Pretty cool! What is less cool is their ability to interfere with our ability to process the world around us in a considered and balanced way, often robbing us of positive feelings (as well as reality).
Here are a few unhelpful thinking patterns (cognitive distortions) that we frequently see:
Black-and-white thinking (thinking in extremes): “Winter is awful. The end. Summer is awesome. Period.”
Catastrophising (worst case scenario thinking): “I’m going to be stuck in this house forever. I’m going to pick up 20kg because I can’t go for walks!”
Overgeneralising: “I hate how cold it is. Everything about winter sucks!”
Filtering (magnifying the negative and dismissing the positive): “Okay yes, it’s nice to have hot creamy cups of cocoa in winter but I can have that any time of the year!”
The only thing that you need to practice here is to:
Notice the unhelpful and possibly erroneous thought.
Replace it, when noticed, with a more rational, accurate, and helpful thought.
Focus on what is within your control: Ask yourself “Is this something I can control?” If the answer is yes, the next question to ask is “what are my options?” and “what is my next step?”.
If the answer is no, your options are to keep wasting your time on these uncontrollable variables, or alternatively, ask yourself: “What is within my control?” and use the answer as a stepping stone toward your new and next area of focus.
Prioritise connection: Relationships make the world go round. Having a sense of belonging, and bonding is such a powerful resilience factor and yet hugely underestimated. Seek out the company of those with which you share meaningful connections; those people who you can count on in a pinch.
And a freebie! SLEEP! And sleep! And sleep!: There is a reason why we settle and rise with the sun. Don’t ignore those sleep cues, respect what your body needs. With quality sleep your resilience odds go up tremendously. Some may say (as we do) that sleep is the cornerstone of wellbeing and resilience. Without a rested body and mind it is hard to think straight, never mind implement any alternative resilience practices! So pick a reasonable bedtime. Set an alarm as a 30 minute warning cue. Create a routine. Dim the lights for the last couple of hours of the night. And for goodness sake, go to bed!
Allow yourself to sink into the folds of winter this year, and be comforted knowing that as most things in life, it is temporary. This season will pass, as seasons do.
Blog by Ance Strydom