Sociologist Robert S. Weiss described loneliness as ‘perceived social isolation’, a state that he described in his 1973 work on the topic as a ‘gnawing, chronic disease.’

Philosopher and theologist Paul Tillich, in 1959 wrote that ‘solitude expresses the glory of being alone, whereas loneliness expresses the pain of feeling alone.’

In our last blog, we established that loneliness is a psychosocial hazard and is impactful on mental health and physical health to the degree that loneliness has become a public health concern.

The Canadian guidelines for social connection are still in the development phase, but based on research so far, the recommendation is to aim for 1-3 hours per day socialising per day on average, and maintain a friendship group of 3-5 ‘close friends'.

A close friend can be defined as someone who offers support and meaning to one’s life. For example, someone who we might feel comfortable confiding in, or a person with whom we feel comfortable enough to sit in companionable silence.

Developing strategies to increase opportunities for social connection is a major research concern that is impacting public health policy globally at multiple levels; from the design of community living spaces to employment regulations, public health campaigns and how we harness technology.

What can individuals do to ensure they are getting the social connection they need for mental and physical wellbeing?

Firstly, establish how much social connection you need.

While some research has broadly suggested a range that is likely optimal for most people, everyone is different and we have different connection needs at different times in our lives.

There are times when we may be feeling more vulnerable to loneliness - for example, after a life change such as changing job, moving city or a change in relationship or health status.

Studies of twins have even suggested a genetic component to loneliness; so some of us may be naturally more susceptible to negative impacts of social isolation.

The researchers working on the Canadian social connection guidelines suggest that because loneliness can be a trigger for behavioural change (feeling lonely can drive us to seek out connection), most people tend to seek out the amount of social connection that they need.

Therefore, researchers suggest striving to achieve at least 75% of the social connection we feel that we would like.

Next, assess how much social connection you are currently getting, and identify the gap/s (if any).

The first step in assessing how much social connection you are actually getting?

Identify what social connection means to you.

The experience of loneliness is subjective. You can be alone and not feel lonely, and you can feel lonely in a crowd, or indeed, even in the company of people who you might usually expect to feel a connection with.

You can experience feeling connected during the briefest of conversations with someone you don’t know well, and you can feel isolated in a room with your closest peers.

In addition, the structure or type of social connection we experience is important. Researchers have found that it is optimal to have a variety of different types of relationships.

Close ties with friends will fill most of our social connection need, but it is also important to experience functional social relationships (for example, with neighbours, acquaintances and co-workers or the parents of our kids’ friends).

The type of people who we connect with matters too - being around happy people makes us feel good !

Therefore, when considering how much social connection you need and how to fill any gaps that you identify, think about the types of connections you have. If you already have a few close friends and strong emotional attachments to friends or family, you will get the most bang for your buck by branching out and meeting your neighbours or striking up conversations with colleagues.

On the other hand, if your social network is broad and functional but you lack close attachments, then your social time would be better spent investing in deepening the connections you already have. Try making an effort to spend more time with someone who you feel could be a good match for you and has the potential to be a close friend.

Artist credit: **Doug’s Content Dumpster**

What about virtual social connection?

Technology can either isolate or connect us, or both, depending on what we use it for and our subjective experience of technology use.

A 2022 study that investigated patterns of internet use and associated loneliness in older adults during the Covid-19 epidemic found a clear relationship between internet use and reported feelings of loneliness. Subjects who used the internet more than once per day reported feeling less lonely than subjects who used the internet once per week or less. Those who used the internet for email were less lonely than those who used the internet for searches about health.

However, another 2022 study of virtual social interaction during Covid-19 among emerging adults found no correlation between frequency of social interaction and either happiness or depression.

What can we draw from this, and from the mix of other studies that show both positive and negative outcomes for virtual social connection as it relates to mental health outcomes?

There are no hard and fast rules about what type of interaction works, or at least, we need more research to identify what those rules are. The important thing is to identify what types of interaction work for YOU.

Artist credit: Debbie Tung **Where’s My Bubble**

That could be virtual or in-person.

The important thing to consider is not where you get your connection from, but how that connection makes you feel.

In considering whether the social interaction you are taking part in is hitting those connectedness buttons, consider:

do you feel an internal sense of belonging?
do you come away from the interaction (most of the time) feeling good?

Virtual relationships can enable us to overcome mobility, time and cost barriers to forge connections that we may not otherwise be able to build.

Virtual connections don’t need to be online - research by the Reading Agency and independent educational charity Demos in 2018 indicated that reading books (either in print or audio) can help to increase empathy and reduce feelings of loneliness. Discussing books online or in-person with others can also provide a forum to talk about emotions in a non-threatening way. Reading, art and music can be a lifeline to a world of social connection for people who find connecting with others difficult.

Artist credit: **Socially Awkward Misfit**

Finally, identify the barriers to achieving the amount of social connection that you need.

For many people, social anxiety can prevent us from seeking out social connection.

The discomfort that we feel when our social connection tank runs low is thought to be a biological mechanism that compels us to seek out social interaction, which is essential for our survival.

However, the kicker is that when this urge isn’t satisfied promptly, and loneliness becomes chronic, it can cause us to develop anti-social behaviours.

The result can be a spiral where chronic social isolation causes loneliness, which causes us to feel more negative about social interaction, which causes further isolation and increases loneliness.

What can we do to prevent social anxiety?

In an ideal world, we would keep on top of filling our social connection tank so that we do not experience chronic social isolation.

However if do experience anxiety around socialising which prevents us from forming and maintaining the social connections that we need, there’s a few things we can do to reduce these feelings.

Note that if our anxiety becomes chronic to the point that it is severely impacting our daily lives, we may need to seek professional advice from a registered Psychologist or GP.

Identify and challenge your negative thoughts
Break challenging interactions down into smaller parts / exposure - for example, if forming a relationship feels like too much, just start by taking your laptop to a coffee shop and saying hello to the barista.
Don’t focus on yourself. One way to do this is by getting social interaction through volunteering to help others. Another way is to simply make a focused effort to really concentrate on what the other person is saying and ask them open questions to draw them out. Focusing on the other person will help us to take our mind off worrying about how we are coming across in the interaction.
Practise anxiety-reducing lifestyle behaviours such as breathing techniques and avoiding excessive caffeine.

Artist credit: Liz Climo **thelittleworldofliz.com**

Other barriers that we might face include financial concerns (even meeting for coffee dates can be out of reach in a cost of living crisis), finding people who we feel a potential sense of connection with, finding time to connect, and getting out of the house.

To overcome barriers to social connection we could try:

Make a list of low-cost or free connection options, such as a walk in nature, visiting a museum or gallery, or joining a book club.
Harness technology to find people to connect with based around shared interests - websites such as meetup.com connect people based around hobbies that range from hiking and cycling to book clubs, gaming and crafts.
Dip your toes in the water by joining an online group related to your interest first. Many social clubs have online chat where you can build connections with people before meeting face to face which can reduce anxiety. Some even have an option to book a ‘helper’ for your first face to face meeting so you have a dedicated person to help get you introduced!
Put social connection into your calendar, and focus on the mental and physical health benefits. Think about it as something that you need to stay healthy just like taking a walk, stretching, or getting a good night’s sleep.
Volunteering to help others is an excellent way to build a sense of belonging. Research shows us that volunteering helps build our self-esteem and a connection with our community.
Make a conscious effort to create and stick to a work/life balance so that you have time for outside-work social connections.
Bite the bullet and do it! Remember the first time/s we get out (or stay in) and get connected will be the most challenging. Once we meet people, form a bond, and build a habit and commitment in our schedule, it will get easier and the rewards will follow.

Franklin meeting Linus in the **Peanuts** comic by Charles M Schulz

But I’m an introvert!

Read our guide to staying connected as an introvert here

Read more about tackling fear and anxiety here

Need help with your Psychosocial Risk Assessment and Psychosocial Risk Management plan?

Glia is here for you.

We are a team of highly experienced registered NZ Psychologists and UK Psychologists who are experts in mental health, burnout prevention and performance psychology at work.

Contact us for Psychosocial Risk Assessments, Burnout Recovery Coaching, and virtual or in-house workshops to support mental health in the workplace and reduce the impact of stress, social isolation and other psychosocial hazards at work.

Our in-house and virtual workshops are a cost and time-effective way to bring Psychology and performance tools to your people, and cover a range of topics from optimising sleep to understanding mental health at work, tackling imposter syndrome and harnessing the power of social connection.

Follow us on LinkedIn for our regular, and FREE educational LinkedIn Lives with special expert guests covering Psychosocial Risk Management, Stress and Burnout Management, Workplace Mental Health and compliance.

You can also book us for your conference - we speak at Health and Safety and workplace wellbeing events regularly.

Follow the writer, Ngaire Wallace, on LinkedIn here.